Disclaimer: I wrote this after watching a lot of Christopher Hitchens and it’s supposed to be really funny and ironic but I think I kind of lost myself in the nonsense.
Three incredibly intelligent beings are all that is left in the universe.
Armed with millennia of knowledge and technology, they attempt to re-evolve their species from scratch and create a new universe.
Their new intelligent creations are called humans.
A: How are the humans coming along?
B: Pretty good, I just taught them the concept of Gods.
A: Good. … Wait, why would you do that???
B: Look how well they’re all getting along. There’s so many of them in one place now!
A: That was because of the agriculture C introduced earlier! And there’s not enough for everyone yet.
They’re already killing each other over food, and now they’re going to kill each other over God!
B: I don’t think it’ll get that bad…
C: What’s up guys?
A: B taught God to the humans.
C: Oh shit! What the fuck is wrong with you?
B: (defensive) SORRY! I just got tired of the acting like assholes so I told them to stop or else they’ll die in eternal suffering.
It’s not actually true, I just made them believe it.
C: Oh my god. This is going to set us way fucking back. Let me fix this.
Ok. Why the fuck is this guy hanging on a cross?
B: What? Um, I honestly don’t know. It looks like he was calling himself God’s son? That doesn’t make any sense. Why…
C: Jesus Christ, this is bad. A, how the fuck do we deal this?
A: Shit, we could nuke the universe and start over, but it would take literally billions of years to get back here.
I think we’re better off trying to salvage what we got.
C: Ok, so how do we spin this? We’re going to have to intervene somehow.
B: What if we bring this cross guy back to life and use him to write some new rules, better ones?
A: Shut up! You’re the reason we’re in this mess.
C: I wish we could just undo the last millenia. We can’t just convince them gods aren’t real, we just told them they were.
And to intervene just to tell them we don’t exist would confirm that we do exist!
B: Why is is bad that they know? I told them we created them in our image. It gives them comfort. They’re kinder and more thoughtful.
A: No. They’ll use this to kill and control others unless we stop them. But we can’t stop them all the time, it defeats the purpose of
recreating intelligent beings with free will. If they know we control everything they’ll stop functioning as individuals and we might as well start over.
B: But, if they just believe we’re watching over them without knowing….
A: They’ll still use that belief for their own gain. You’ve seen what B made them capable of.
B: Hey, I think heads on pikes are edgy. Gotta stick it to the system sometimes am I right?
A: Exaxtly. What happens when they know we’re responsible for everything they are? There’s gonna be hell to pay.
C: Ok, so we’ll introduce the idea that maybe Gods don’t exist for some people, and give them NO MORE EVIDENCE that we exist.
Hopefully that will be enough to rid baseless faith in a few thousand years. We can keep influencing them through art and dreams and shit.
A: Subtly!
B: …
C: B?
B: Ok, so can cross guy’s new rules be a part of this journey? I thought of a really great way he can to break it to them.
A: I’ll give you a fucking rule. Thou shalt not kill. That should have been rule number one when we made this place.
B: Um, no, rule number one is to believe in me above all else.
A: Oh for God’s sake!